My Body Confidence Story

As I grew older, I became more concerned about my self-confidence and vulnerable to judging myself. I remember during the times when I was in my primary school years, eating away like nobody's business, I wasn't even considering how I physically looked or what others thought of my figure. As I began to understand the world and how people deemed fit in society (about 12 years old), I realized being called fat was distressing as it was against humanity's rule. Whether I liked it or not, people with more body weight were being criticized and judged negatively. I began to look at myself in the mirror, trying to figure out my imperfections, hoping those fats would go away eventually, and secretly wishing to be skinny. The obsession of wishing to be skinny was persistent until I entered secondary school which eventually got worse. Looking at how people give attention, praise and compliments to other young, cute, skinny girls in school made me even more insecure. I was mixing around with people and joining tons of extracurricular activities, but that didn't help with forgetting my body concerns. Over time when I weighed myself on the scale, I would hate myself and complain about my figure. My self-confidence and body confidence were so low that I cut out on meeting new people and tried to perfect myself by unhealthy dieting. I skipped dinner every day and replaced the balanced meal with just a green apple. I jogged/exercised daily without fail despite the weather. I overdrank teas. I achieved my goal of being skinny in a year and a half and received unexpected compliments about how slim I looked. I was content and happy with the way my body was, but that was not too long before I had digestion problems, and acne was growing on my face after I graduated from secondary school. I was devastated by the way I was treating my body and loathed myself further. I isolated myself even more from people and busy places. That was when I began to realise I hurt my own body just to please others and society. I was never right when I started to want to be skinny. Despite all the advice my mom gave, I was harsh towards my own body. 

The early journey of self-healing was gravelling as I had zero knowledge about healthy living, positivity, and remedies to cure my indigestion and acne (I never knew acne existed!). I learned the hard way of having to face my consequences to research everything and try every possible solution to heal myself and be healthy. My mental health was deeply scarred as I faced many disappointments and failures from trying out solutions that never worked. I had to thank my parents and sister for being supportive all the time in times of hopelessness and devastation. One thing that has helped me a lot was meditating on God. That was also the time when I began to write this blog as a space to rant and be comfortable with myself despite all the hardships. I have been on this healing journey for about 4 years now and still going strong, believing that this experience will lead me to a healthier lifestyle and strong mental health. I had grown and built a solid understanding of my body and its health, and I would continue that route to explore more about healthy living. 

My lesson was learned. As a piece of advice that might encourage you: Never look down on your body or self. Love it and embrace your flaws. If you ever feel like getting your weight down, aim to be fit and lean, not skinny. Get on exercise and eat well. Never skip any of your 3 meals. Be confident despite all the negative judgments. Live by positivity. Surround yourself with people who love you the way you are and support you when you want to change for the better. Never stop caring about your body, listen to them and treat them well. Your figure is just the outer appearance, build your inner presentation as they will shine through your external. Drink at least 2 litres of water a day. Focus on positive compliments; they deserve to stay in your mind. Don't let society dictate your well-being; you rule your own body. Build your confidence by telling yourself "You're beautiful." Be grateful for your able body. (Note: I am imperfect and sometimes I still fail to love myself, but I try to use that as a motivation to live healthily and accept who I am.) 

I edited out my imperfections in these pictures after they were shot a while back. I never intended to post this as I felt ashamed of filtering myself. Now that I know I shouldn't focus on my imperfections, I shall publish this as a reminder to love myself more each day. I was unsure if I wanted to share my story, but this might help some people who might be experiencing the same situation as myself. You, who are reading this, remind yourself to love yourself more, no matter what size or colour you are. You're beautiful x

Wearing: H&M dress

All photos by Phoe

Prisc

Instagram | Youtube

Related Posts